More sheer genius from LarkNews.com:
"‘No coincidence’ believer at pains to explain bizarre events
MINNEAPOLIS — Tom Stefans, 19, recently announced to friends at his Christian college that he believes nothing in the world happens by coincidence but that everything is the result of God’s invisible hand at work. Friends promptly launched a secret crusade of absurdity to test the limits of Tom’s beliefs.
"We think he’ll crack this week," says one friend, who says messing with Tom’s theology is ten times more entertaining than anything on YouTube.
They have been staging elaborate ruses to present Tom with bizarre, inexplicable situations. They paid someone to go to Tom’s dorm room at 3 a.m. dressed in a chicken suit and greet him with, "Hi, Chicken Man."
When Tom asked what was going on, the person said, "You are the chicken man! You are the chicken man! Take your beef!" He then threw a hot dog at Tom and ran away.
Another friend repeatedly calls Tom posing as an out-of-state policeman investigating a shoplifting crime in which Tom’s mother is supposedly implicated.
They paid a professor to stop in the middle of class and say sharply, "Tom, knock that off right now," without explanation. They also paid two local Hispanic teenagers to follow Tom around campus kicking a soccer ball between them and trying to engage Tom in a game while peppering him with Spanish words.
The efforts are paying off, they say. Tom appears troubled and has confessed that he is having a "hard time making sense of my life right now."
"God’s really working on me," he has told friends while lunching in the cafeteria. •"